Dear Love

I have been married for over four and a half years. The first two years were great. We got along, had fun with each other, talked all the time, and did all the things married people in love do. Then things changed. I suspected that my husband no longer wanted to be married to me, and I haven’t been able to figure out why or what I did wrong to make him feel that way. He began to pull away and started to do things separate from me, things he didn’t do before we got married or during the time of our marriage. He also started getting really stingy with me. He used to buy me really nice gifts for birthdays and anniversaries, now he was going on the cheap -- and I mean cheap! He also got really distant emotionally and started to exclude me from functions that he used to include me in. We have frequent "fights" now, and they usually start out with me trying to communicate my unhappiness with this marriage to him. They end up with him telling me he is going to get a divorce! He doesn’t want to hear anything I have to say, and I am not allowed to express any discontent to him whatsoever without him yelling for divorce. I just do not know what to do anymore and feel very confused and very lonely in this marriage. I am left to my own devices most of the time. He goes about his business and ignores me when he is home 90% of the time. I am so sad and hurt by this behavior, but he won't tell me why he acts this way or why he wants out of the marriage. What can I do? Should I just give up and leave so I can find someone else who really loves me and wants to be with me before I get too old? I really need an answer soon please.
--Feeling Unwanted

Dear Feeling Unwanted,
Well, to be blunt, your answer is yes. You should leave him. It takes two to make a marriage. If he’s not going to take any steps toward resolving this or even tell you what’s wrong, there’s nothing more you can do. Two years is a long time to go through this. It’s probably safe to say you’ve tried everything. If divorce is what he really wants, and he’s not man enough to tell you why or get it done himself, it’s seriously time to take matters into your own hands. Since he doesn’t seem to be as emotional mature as you may have thought he was, you need to be prepared for the possibility of a nasty divorce process. Get support from friends and family and let them in on what’s happening. I would even consider hiring a divorce attorney or mediator to save you from potential drama. You’ll also need to keeping in mind that you may never know why your husband has done a complete 180, so don’t dwell on it. Also, try not to let this experience affect your search for a new romantic partner. While some situations may not go as planned, others can work out perfectly. Take your time and do whatever it takes to let go of any emotional baggage from this relationship before moving on to a new one.

With Love,